Learning To Ask For Help

Hi, I’m Joni Eareckson Tada and it helps to ask for help.

You know what, Jim is a great guy with a huge personality. He was quite the athlete before he broke his back in a motorcycle accident. But his athletic abilities got him through rehab in no time; Jim was just one of those guys who had no problem adapting to his wheelchair. At least it seemed to be that way. When you spend time with Jim, he’s so engaging, so confident, you don’t even notice his wheelchair. But that’s the problem. A short time ago, he developed a pressure sore that set him back. He had to stay in bed which, for him, was pretty tough. Jim became itchy and impatient. He refused to ask for help. He says he doesn’t want to trouble anyone; doesn’t want to put them out. And he even confesses that for him to ask for help would be demeaning. Most of his friends just shrug it off and say, “Well, that’s Jim. That’s just who he is. It’s just hard for him to ask for help.”

Jim doesn’t realize it, but that’s more than a problem. It’s a sin. Extreme self-reliance and self-sufficiency are what sin does to the heart. Hosea chapter 10 says, “You have eaten the fruit of lies because you have trusted in your own way.” In other words, that Scripture is saying, “Why do you so easily accept what is not true about yourself? It’s because you trust in your own way and rely on your own strength.” The fact that Jim cannot rely on others reveals something about his heart. It causes him to deny not only his need for other people, but for God. And that is a sin. Paul David Tripp puts it this way, he says, “Sin causes us to assign to ourselves the wisdom, strength and righteousness that we do not have. Sin causes us to dethrone God while enthroning ourselves. Sin is proud and self-assured and causes us all to fall into the delusion that we can run our lives better than God can. And because sin does this to all of us, it is deceitful and dangerous.”

You know, over the years we have both been in wheelchairs, Jim and me. And I’ve tried to convince Jim that it’s not only okay to ask for help, it’s good; it’s healthy; it’s important. When self-reliance and self-sufficiency is your fundamental approach to life, it will never lead to anything good. It always leads to some sort death. It’ll destroy your relationships with friends and any clear understanding of who you really are at the core. Most of all, it destroys communion with God. Maybe one day Jim will realize that he needs to be rescued from himself and from his quest for independence. Maybe one day he’ll realize that God is the only one who has everything that Jim needs. Do you see yourself in this story? Well, if so, remember Hosea 10:13. “You have eaten the fruit of lies because you have trusted in your own way [and the verse goes on to say], and in the multitude of your warriors.” There you go; it’s one of those Bible verses that clearly shows a cause-and-effect. When you refuse to ask for help and only rely on yourself, life becomes a delusion.

So, friend, do not be easily deceived. Humble yourself, and acknowledge your need of God and of others. If you are a caregiver, a single parent, a person with a disability, remember, you can’t do life on your own. God wants you to ask for help from others and from him. And in that way, you will know the truth about yourself, and that truth is gonna set you free. Any fantasy you tell yourself about self-reliance will prove to be more of a nightmare than a dream. That’s something that Jim is learning.

© Joni and Friends

A Thankful Heart in a World of Hurt

In this 14-page pamphlet, Joni helps you cultivate a grateful heart by looking at the wisdom of Scripture. This pamphlet addresses questions like: How can I really give thanks for all things? How can I cultivate a grateful spirit? How is it possible to “Rejoice in the Lord always”?

Today’s Gift