Deceptions of the Heart

I don’t know about you, but I have never been one to trust myself. 

Now, I realize that may seem odd, but I mean it. Hi there, I’m Joni Eareckson Tada, and I’d better explain when I say I don’t trust myself! The reason I do not trust me? Well, because I know me. I know me pretty well – or at least as well as 40-some-odd years of confessing my sin will teach me. Let me give you an example. I know, for instance, that I dare not tune into the easy rock listening station on the local radio, because one too many songs by The Beach Boys or The Beatles will start a long litany of other hits from the 60s that I know I’ll be humming for days on end. Another example? I dare not keep chocolate around. If it’s dark, if it’s bittersweet with lots of almonds, I know me. I know I’ll be sneaking into that drawer not just for a nibble, but a big chunk. Another example? I dare not tit-for-tat how much Ken does for me or I do for him because I know that I am competitive by nature. I know I’ll be faulting him if I start keeping score of who does what or who owes who or “why doesn’t he help me with this, because I’ve helped him with his stuff.” See what I mean? I know my heart, and I know what gets it into trouble.  

Tim Keller in a recent article wrote, “Your real growth in grace is the measure of your growing acquaintance with yourself.” Don’t you love that? Tim’s making the point that the starting place for any genuine spiritual growth in our lives is a deeper understanding of what he calls “the tricks, the ploys and the deceptions of your own heart.” In other words, you only grow in the Lord as you face up to the growing reality that, as Romans chapter 7 says, “In my flesh dwells no good thing.”  

So let me ask you, how well do you know yourself? Again, Tim Keller says that “the key to understanding the great glory of the cross and the good news of the Gospel in every situation in life is to first understand just how polluted is your own soul.” Wow, he’s got my number; he does. Because I see how polluted my heart really is; I do. There’s not a morning I wake up that I don’t pray with my get-up girls, “Oh, Jesus, we are ever mindful of how much we need your cleansing blood. Forgive me for cherishing inflated ideas of my own importance; forgive me for my pride when it raises its ugly head, when I want to take credit for things. Forgive my hidden faults and sins, my itchiness to get things my way and yada, yada, yada.”  

You know, I think one of the reasons we face so many problems in our lives today is because we have not stopped to really ponder the depravity of our own hearts. I am – you are – by nature, double-minded and our flesh is always at war with our spirit, seeking to drag us down. It’s why my husband Ken and I keep, what we call, short lists. We’ve learned to readily confess our sins to each other when we’ve wronged each other. And it is one great way to guard our hearts.  

I may lead an international ministry; I may have written books and stuff; but I’ll be the first to tell you, I can tend to think awfully highly of myself! And maybe you’re the same. We’re fallen human beings, and that means we all think too highly of our abilities and our gifts and our worth. We all think we’re better off than we really are. And the truth is, the more enamored we are with ourselves, the less we think about the greatness of our God. Oh my goodness, every day we need to be saved from ourselves, don’t we? And it’s why you’ll find me oft quoting Psalm 79 where it says: “May your mercy come quickly to meet us, for we are in desperate need.” You’re a desperate person in need of constant help from Almighty God. 

© Joni and Friends