Practical Ways to Help a Friend With Chronic Pain

“This High Priest of ours understands our weaknesses, for he faced all of the same testings we do, yet he did not sin. So let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God. There we will receive his mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it most.”

Hebrews 4:15-16

In every season, there is something to look forward to. There are the cold, but cozy nights of winter, the fresh blooms in the spring, the warm and long days of summer and the wonderful colors of fall. Every season offers something new and refreshing for many of us to enjoy, but for those with chronic pain, it can feel like the seasons never really change.

While we all experience moments and seasons of pain, exhaustion, and physical discomfort, there are some for whom their “season” feels eternal. Maybe you have a loved one who is in the midst of this darkness. How do we lovingly share the encouragement found in Hebrews 4:15-16 with them? That Jesus can sympathize with their weaknesses, loneliness, and discouragement? That God knows and cares about the intimate details of what they face and promises mercy and help?

First: Seek to understand more about your friend’s pain.

People with chronic pain may not “look” disabled. A hurtful part of having an “invisible disability” is that the person may appear “fine,” leading others to write their pain off as a figment of their imagination or something they need to simply “push through.” Many with chronic pain experience spiritual, emotional, and physical struggles each day. It’s a type of pain that can easily rob someone of focus, peace of mind, and the ability to simply function—it is a significant disability, but is almost always invisible.

Second: Include your friend whenever you can, and in ways that accommodate their limitations.

The darkness of isolation can inflict emotional and spiritual pain on someone who is already working through physical discomfort. Isolation can breed stress and increased levels of pain. It’s natural for many with chronic pain to feel like no one understands, to fear the pain may never lift, and to become overwhelmed by the hopelessness caused by these thoughts. As wisdom and common sense allow, draw close to your friend and give them the freedom to share about their hardship. No one can share their pain, but by joining them on their path, and at their pace, you can give them space to share heartaches and walk in community with others

Third: Offer advice sparingly and instead, pray.

If you’re anything like me, you love trying to be helpful by giving advice! Resist the urge to give advice unless asked, and then commit to praying for your friend. Pray the Lord’s presence would comfort and strengthen your friend, and pray for God’s wisdom as your friend seeks treatment and pain management. Pray for miraculous relief! Ask the Lord to use this ongoing trial to perfect their faith and deepen their love and devotion for Christ. And pray, if the pain persists, that their thoughts would focus on the promise of God’s moment-by-moment grace and the eternal hope of heaven.

May the Lord give you great joy and perseverance as you love your friend with chronic pain. Although there may be dark and daunting days, continue to ask for God’s help and guidance as you support your loved one.

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Written By—Crystal Keating

Crystal Keating serves with the Response Department at Joni and Friends, providing encouragement and practical resources for people affected by disability. She has advocated for true life in Christ to women with unwanted pregnancies, homeless families, and neglected children since 2000. She is also a marriage and family counselor.